Embracing Motherhood by Corrine L. Bucher, Life Coach
Corrine L. Bucher, Life Coach

A Matter of Perspective
That Other Important Relationship

Into Action
Pick one thing to do today to nurture and feed your important relationships

Resources
Radio, books, blogs

Modern Mom Spotlight
Alisa Bowman, recovering divorce daydreamer, professional writer, and blogger

Offerings
Four offerings for
drop-in, tele-class,
group or individual coaching sessions

Bio
Who is Corrine Bucher?

June 2009 Newsletter - #12
Embracing Motherhood:
That Other Important Relationship

Dear Friends,

The transition from Spring into Summer has been dizzying with all it’s endings and beginnings. As a mother I have enjoyed graduations, as a coach I am watching the seeds my clients planted sprout into fabulous opportunities, and as a surfer I have been sharing the ocean with bottle nose dolphins, whales, sea lions, and too many sea birds to name. I feel blessed to have such a rich life.

Whatever your stage of motherhood, I hope you feel inspired and supported each month to live more fully and joyfully. My mission is to bring you simple, practical ideas that you can use right now to usher in more energy, time, and move beyond balance to vibrance.

I welcome your feedback. Please let me know what will help me help you make the most of your adventure.

May 2009 be your most Vibrant Year Yet!

Sincerely,
Corrine Bucher
Life Coach and mother of a kindergartener and a first grader
Corrine@corrinebucher.com

news

Get inspired each month!

Subscribe to the FREE
Embracing Motherhood Newsletter

Email 

"If we did all the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astonish ourselves."
Thomas Edison

beach path
A Matter of Perspective

That Other Important Relationship
by Corrine Bucher

Everywhere I've turned lately, I've found myself confronted by troubled marriages. In the grocery line, where all the tabloids are about Jon and Kate (plus 8). In my coaching sessions, where making that complicated relationship work -- made even more complex by kids -- has been coming up a lot. It made me grateful that my marriage works so smoothly. Then pow, all that changed when my partner made what I thought was a selfish choice.

It started as a typical Saturday, juggling haircuts to surf sessions to birthday parties. I take pride in thinking ahead and mapping out the most intricate plans for such free-form days. (Note: this is where the trouble started!) My husband went in one car with all the surf gear to get his haircut, while I took the kids to the Farmers' Market and a quick trim at Today’s Cuts. The plan was for us to meet at the beach, where my husband and I could take turns surfing and watching the kids. Time was tight. The kids and I had to be at a party in just a few hours and I had to hurry home to pick up a friend's son who was going with us. Looking at my wetsuit clad husband pick up his board, I suddenly realized that if he went surfing first it would mean there wouldn't be time for me. I said it looked like there might not be time for me to get in the water, but I didn't outright ask if I could go first. He didn't catch my hint and headed for the water.

The resentment ignited immediately. He was selfish and wrong. How could he be so thoughtless? My mind was like a rapacious predator, seeking and feeding on every scrap of evidence it could find to support that notion. I chewed on that resentment all morning until I was completely exhausted and about to blow. Then I called a friend. Something in me knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to unload on my husband. My friend listened as expletives flew. She then calmly and lovingly helped me find my part in the misunderstanding. Yes, I had been sick for the three days prior and still wasn’t feeling 100%. And yes, I didn’t communicate what it was I wanted. Shoot -- it wasn’t his fault. I was able to sanely approach my husband and talk things out rather than widen the chasm. I kept thinking about the question, “Would you rather be right or happy?” Once I stopped worrying about being right, I could concentrate on doing what was necessary to mend the relationship. I reminded myself that I deeply value my relationship with my husband because of how we make each other grow. The only waves I rode that day were of the emotional kind. The other kind are much more fun. But I'd like to think I still got something out of the ride.

Into Action

Relationships are living breathing organisms. What one thing can you do today to nurture and feed your important relationships? Pick something and do it.

Send me an email and let me know what you learned! Corrine@corrinebucher.com

Click here to see the newsletter archive.

Resources

Working Moms Wisdom Blog talk radio –
Tips for reconnecting with your spouse

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/Nicola-Ries-Taggart
The Executive Moms Coach Nicola Ries Taggart and I share tips for reconnecting with your spouse in this one hour radio show which aired on 5/13/09.

A Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson
http://www.marianne.com
This book changed how I viewed relationships and what it takes to have successful ones.

Getting to 50 50, How Working Couples Can Have It All By Sharing It All
by Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober
A humourous and insightful book offering real world solutions for today’s working parents.

Bad Mother (Good Mother), by Ayelet Waldman
http://www.ayeletwaldman.com
Ayelet has posted some video clips to her blog.

Modern Mom Spotlight

Alisa Bowman is a recovering divorce daydreamer, professional writer, and blogger at http://www.projecthappilyeverafter.com.

How did having a child impact your marriage?
I'm a freelance writer and my husband was unemployed when I got pregnant. I suggested he get a job--even if it was at McDonald's--by the time the baby came so I could have some maternity leave. Instead he decided to open a business. Instead of no income, he had a negative $40,000 income thanks to the second mortgage we took on the house to buy inventory for the business. I went back to work after only 5 weeks off. Our daughter had colic and did not sleep well, if at all. She napped in two 20 minute bursts and was up every two hours at night. I was breast feeding, so I was the one getting up at night. I had the baby home with me during the day because I didn't think we could afford daycare on my salary and because I had this mistaken belief that I could work around the baby. My husband was working 12-14 hour days, 7 days a week. When he wasn't working, he was riding his bike or out with his friends. When he was home, he was in front of the TV. I was wiped. I could not communicate. I couldn't even think straight. Early one morning, I sat in the car in the driveway with the motor running because I couldn't remember how to turn on my headlights. I fantasized about driving my car into trees. I was in bad shape.

We obviously had this issue of him doing whatever he wanted and taking me for granted, and of me not speaking up for myself. Before the baby, it was just a minor issue because, honestly, I am very independent and really didn't need him all that much. After the baby, though, I DID need him, but I felt too weak to ask for help. I wanted to be that super mom who can do it all herself. I would actually say things like, "Don't you think I am the perfect wife? Don't you love me for doing all of this?" And I wasn't being sarcastic. I really wanted that validation. It was SICK.

So things really went downhill. We stopped having sex. We stopped communicating. I felt resentful and taken advantage of. I started to hate his friends, his bike, his favorite hangouts, him. I fantasized about him dropping dead because... gee that would have been so convenient!

What one thing would you credit to turning your marriage around?
My friend Deb. On Mother's Day of 2007 I had dinner with her and I ranted about my husband over and over and for a very long time. She was very patient. She eventually asked, "Why are you staying together?" That led me to me asking, "When will I know it's time to give up?" And her telling me, "Have you tried everything? Have you tried counseling?" We really hadn't tried anything. So I came home. I gave him an ultimatum, and I went on Amazon and ordered 12 marital improvement books. We broke our issues down into categories: forgiveness, sex, intimacy, communication, romance. And we took one step at a time within one category at a time toward a better marriage.

What do you do now to keep the love alive?
Whenever I am pissed off, I say something. I talk to my husband a lot more than I ever did, and I don't feel guilty about it. When I need help, I ask for it. When I want something, I ask for it. When I'm sad, I tell him. When I'm tired, I tell him. When I can't stand playing Chutes and Ladders for another second longer, I tell him. When I'm about to lose it with our daughter, I call and ask him to come home from work. I don't keep anything to myself. Heck, I tell him when I feel fat, when I have a migraine and that I feel grumpy from PMS. He knows it all. I try to be as transparent as I can possibly be, so he never has to guess at how I feel, what I want, or what I am thinking. He knows.

I also try to compliment him and validate him whenever I can. I hug him. I tell him he looks skinny. I thank him for whatever he does around the house. I make comments about how nice the yard looks after he's cut the grass.

And I have really made our sex life a huge priority. I'm continually thinking up ways to keep things steamy and spicy in the bedroom.

And he does the same for me. He tells me he likes my butt in a certain pair of jeans. He makes a big deal about my cooking. After I clean the house, he'll walk into a room and say, "I don't even know where I am! is this my house? This can't be my house!"

We also put our marriage first and make time for just us, without our daughter. I really think that's important in terms of romance, not to mention personal sanity.

Offerings

Four Offerings:

1. The Vibrant Mother© Monthly Drop-In session at The Joy Of Being in Moss Beach.
This group meets the 4th Sunday of each month from 4:30-6:30pm. Join other Coastside and Pacifica Mothers to gain and share tips and wisdom around the challenges of balancing life and family. This group is for YOU, so please send me ideas for topics you want to hear discussed.

2. The Vibrant Mother© Group Coaching in Half Moon Bay
This 6 month program meets for one 2 hour group session each month. You also receive one 45-minute individual coaching session each month. Investment - $150 per month.

3. Motherhood By Design © From Tired To Inspired At Home And Work
Designed to make it efficient and easy for busy moms to participate, this 6 month group tele-class will meet twice a month for one hour. A total of 18 group sessions. Investment - $149 per month. Launching this Fall.

4. Individual Coaching
Coaching is a powerful partnership that often leads to remarkable results. As a coach I provide structure, tools, accountability, and inspiration to move you forward. Pricing upon request.

Please email me for more details, corrine@corrinebucher.com

Corrine Bucher, Life Coach






International Coach Federation


Bio

A veteran coach and mother, I am devoted to transforming the lives of mothers, whether working or not. Known for my enthusiasm, spiritual touch, and practical strategies I have spent the last 10 years coaching women who strive to find more balance and fulfillment often to remarkable results. This is success from the inside out, deep lasting change driven by taking compelling inspired actions.

The co-creator of corporate programs for Working Mothers, I challenge and inspire women to define their work/life balance vision so that they can begin to feel a sense of control again. Offering tools to manage the guilt and stress of motherhood, my clients take away practical strategies to implement immediately.